Explore The Art Of Active Listening And Empathetic Communication

Have you ever spoken to someone who seemed to be listening to you, but had no idea what you said? Or someone is speaking to you, and you’re too distracted to pay rapt attention. Every one of us has been guilty of this at least once, and that’s primarily because we were not schooled in active listening or in using empathy in conversations. 

Active listening goes beyond paying rapt attention while being spoken to. It’s about being able to read between the lines and understanding what people feel to build trust. When you add empathy to active listening, you go from passive listening to connecting with people on a level that matters. 

In this article, we’re breaking down how to master active listening and use empathy in every conversation you have. So, whether you’re trying to be a better partner, friend, or colleague, you’ll become a better communicator once you’re done reading. 

The Foundation of Active Listening

Active listening is built on these three foundations:

100% of Your Attention

The first step to active listening is giving the speaker 100% attention. You cannot practice active listening if your mind is split in several ways: listening to the speaker, checking social media, or thinking about what to have for lunch.

When you give the speaker 100% attention, you are letting them know that they are all that is important in that moment. Also, maintain eye contact as it shows you are in the moment and not zoning out mentally. 

Open Body Language

Body language is very important in active listening. Your body should move before your mouth does, and avoid leaning back with arm crossed. That position signals you’re bored even if paying rapt attention. Instead, do this:

• Lean in towards the person to show you’re interested in what they’re saying
• Keep your posture relaxed, as it shows you’re open to the speaker’s ideas
• Nod intermittently as it tells the speaker to keep going, you’re listening to them. 

Respecting the Silence

When someone is talking to you, and they pause, don’t be in a hurry to fill the silence. Wait at least three seconds before you reply, in case they were only taking a momentary pause. Most people like to catch their breath to gather their thoughts, and giving them space shows you were not really listening and just waiting for your turn to talk. 

7 Ways to Use Empathy in Every Conversation

Now that you know the foundation of active listening, we can move to how you can use empathy in conversations. Empathy is beyond feeling sorry for someone, but is more about stepping into their shoes to see the world the way they do. 

Below are seven ways to use empathy in every conversation:

1. Be Fully Present 

You cannot be empathetic if you’re distracted when someone is talking to you. Empathy requires that you pick up on even the smallest cues. For example, if the speaker’s voice cracks or they avoid eye contact. So, try to quiet your internal thoughts so you can hear the speakers.

2. Use Reflective Listening

Reflective listening is a communication technique involving listening to a speaker, understanding their message, and then paraphrasing or reflecting the core feelings and content to confirm accuracy. So, instead of just nodding, you repeat what they said to you to show you understand. 

3. Validate the Speaker’s Feeling

We all view things differently and will not always agree. But in active listening and empathetic communication, it does not matter whether you agree or not; you have to validate the person’s feelings. Doing this shows you acknowledge their emotions. 

So instead of saying, “You shouldn’t feel that way,” or “It’s not that big of a deal,” say,  “I can see why that would make you feel left out,” or “That sounds like a really tough situation.” Sometimes, what the speaker needs from you is to validate their feelings and not judge them.

4. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Another way to show empathy in conversations is by asking open-ended questions. Open questions invite the speaker to share more with you instead of a closed question that requires only a yes or no reply.

5. Watch for Non-Verbal Cues

Sometimes, what people don’t say is more than what they say, so you need to watch for nonverbal cues. For example, if your friend says “I’m fine,” but they are looking at the floor with slumped shoulders, an empathetic listener notices the gap. 

In such a case, you can respond, “You say you’re fine, but you seem a little down. Want to talk about it?” Non-verbal cues are half the conversation, so pay close attention to the speaker and watch for them.

6. Resist the Urge to be a Problem Fixer

It is common instinct to want to help those we love fix their problems. But you must resist this urge, as most times, people just want a listening ear, and not to be told what to do. Only advise if the person asks for it; if not, just let them vent. 

7. Summarise Before You Close

Finally, before the conversation ends, give a quick recap of what you took away. Aside from showing empathy, it lets the speaker know you actively listened and were with them from start to finish. It also leaves the person feeling understood and cared for. 

Common Barriers to Active Listening and How to Break Them

As a human being, it is unavoidable that you will get distracted sometimes. To help you become a better active listener, we identified three common barriers to active listening and the fixes. They include the following: 

• Distractions: Several things are vying for our attention, from our social media, internal to-do lists, to something as simple as passersby. Therefore, once your mind wanders during a conversation, take a deep breath and refocus. If you missed something, let the speaker know, apologise, and ask them to kindly repeat what they said. 
• Judgments: When listening to someone say things you don’t agree with, it is hard not to get judgmental. Once your brain enters judgment mode, it will be hard to listen actively or be empathetic. Therefore, we recommend listening for the “why” and not the “what.” Understanding the emotion behind their opinion will make it easier to listen to them, even if you don’t agree.
• Me-Too Habit: When you feel the urge to share your story while the speaker is still speaking and then cut in to do so, you are neither empathetic nor an active listener. What you should do is listen and wait for them to finish before sharing your story. Waiting till the end shows you’re interested in hearing them and helps you validate their experience. 

Final Thoughts

Mastering active listening and empathy isn’t about perfection, but being present. Indeed, you won’t get it right every single time, and that’s okay. Just remember that empathy is like a muscle—the more you practice using it, the stronger it gets. 

So, put down your phone, ask better questions, resist the urge to interrupt or fix everything, and you’ll become an active listener and the person people want to talk to. Additionally, you will have deeper friendships and shorter arguments, because you know it’s not always about you.